Ms. Arbitrage
Issue date: 4/12/05 Section: Humor
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-Turtleneck Lover
Ms. Arbitrage says: Ahhhh, the sweet whisperings of cost of capital calculations in the spring-they're so hard to resist. One moment you're just talking about those embedded options in new "projects" and the next you're making eye contact across a room of 400 students in uncomfortable chairs and realizing that those PowerPoint slides have secret messages encoded in the optimal debt calculations that say "Ms. Arbitrage, you complete me" and you have no choice but to stand up in class and shout "Where is the opportunity cost of lost love in all your financial data?" and the class bursts into a standing ovation as you and the professor start dancing to the Waltz of the Positive NPV under a starry sky...
So to answer your question: no, you cannot snag him for spring fling. Do you get secret messages in class? I don't think you do. Don't make me unlever your beta. Just walk away now, and we can all forget you ever asked this question...
Captain Strategy says: Well I think I know who he is and even though I am in his class I barely attend so I don't know that much about him. I pretty much showed up for the introduction and the first, but not the second quiz. When it comes to dating a professor you probably want to keep it on the DL until you graduate so I would stay away from Spring Fling. Plus he has that policy that wherever you find him you can ask finance questions, do you really want your date to include in-depth arguments of NPV versus IRR or the value of regression or don't get me started on lemmings. I would suggest coffee and a trip to the Apple store. Have you ever seen his office? I am convinced he is a cyborg made by Apple, nobody is that good.
Follies made fun of me pretty bad. How do I get back at those bastards?
-Miffed at being Mocked
Ms. Arbitrage says: Well I don't know what you expect after coming to school in a kilt and trying to play the bagpipes in accounting class last semester. I mean, sure, your excuse of being drunk might have been acceptable the first time it happened, but after that it just got tiresome. And I'm not even going to get started on your penchant for answering strategy questions by chanting "I am rubber and you are glue, Porter has five forces, what about you?" Or the tuna sandwich you've had in your locker since the first week of class "for science." Or the fact that every second Tuesday of the month, you talk while moving your finger and saying "Danny isn't here, Professor Gode" in a creepy demon voice, as if that gets you out of answering cash flow questions. Although I think we all agree that the demon has a much better grasp on macro-economic factors than you, so your fellow group mates have asked me to request that he attend their groups meetings in your place for the rest of the semester. Thanks a bunch!