The Stern Dirty Dozen
The Gentlemen of SMIB (Stern Men In Business)
Issue date: 9/27/05 Section: Humor
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Preface
As a service to all of the beautiful ladies at Stern, the gentlemen of SMIB have put together the following list of guys to avoid. Don't let these guys fool you, they are very dangerous and are known for breaking multiple hearts. These guys give all men a bad name and we are ashamed to be associated with such low life characters. Without any further delay, SMIB gives you the Stern Dirty Dozen:
Dave "Supercuts" Lifeso
This All-American heartthrob goes from 0 to in love within 3.2 seconds. He gets taken down faster than Pamela Anderson at a Harley Davidson convention. Good luck seeing him out this year. His last love of the week wanted him to take hip hop dance classes. He failed. His pilates classes start next week. Lets keep our fingers crossed.
Felix "The Cat" Banuchi
You're bound to here this line - "I'm a promoter, do you want to come to one of my parties?" Nobody has ever seen one of these parties, which leads us to believe he's referring to the party in his pants. To quote a 2nd year female, who shall remain nameless: "His apartment is amazing! I've never seen porn on a 100 inch screen before!"
Ross "So you think you can dance" Fenderson
Just like AC Slater, he is the sweetest guy sober, but turns into the poster child for alcoholics anonymous after five beers. This guy parties like he was in Motley Crue. He recently obtained a groin injury, which he claims to be from breakdancing. We think it's really from another extracurricular activity.
Wajahat "Chemical" Ali
By the looks of his fauxhawk, we are not sure if he is gay, psydo gay, or metrosexual...but he is something else... This guy holds the record for the most body cavity searches at airport security. Ladies, beware - we're sure he's looking to return the favor. By the way, the third floor of Stern gets hit regularly around 1:20PM with his "dirty bomb".
Roberto "She said she was 18" Berloni
Have you ever met this guy? Us neither. Unless you still have a fake ID, you won't have to worry much about him. Guard your little sister.
As a service to all of the beautiful ladies at Stern, the gentlemen of SMIB have put together the following list of guys to avoid. Don't let these guys fool you, they are very dangerous and are known for breaking multiple hearts. These guys give all men a bad name and we are ashamed to be associated with such low life characters. Without any further delay, SMIB gives you the Stern Dirty Dozen:
Dave "Supercuts" Lifeso
This All-American heartthrob goes from 0 to in love within 3.2 seconds. He gets taken down faster than Pamela Anderson at a Harley Davidson convention. Good luck seeing him out this year. His last love of the week wanted him to take hip hop dance classes. He failed. His pilates classes start next week. Lets keep our fingers crossed.
Felix "The Cat" Banuchi
You're bound to here this line - "I'm a promoter, do you want to come to one of my parties?" Nobody has ever seen one of these parties, which leads us to believe he's referring to the party in his pants. To quote a 2nd year female, who shall remain nameless: "His apartment is amazing! I've never seen porn on a 100 inch screen before!"
Ross "So you think you can dance" Fenderson
Just like AC Slater, he is the sweetest guy sober, but turns into the poster child for alcoholics anonymous after five beers. This guy parties like he was in Motley Crue. He recently obtained a groin injury, which he claims to be from breakdancing. We think it's really from another extracurricular activity.
Wajahat "Chemical" Ali
By the looks of his fauxhawk, we are not sure if he is gay, psydo gay, or metrosexual...but he is something else... This guy holds the record for the most body cavity searches at airport security. Ladies, beware - we're sure he's looking to return the favor. By the way, the third floor of Stern gets hit regularly around 1:20PM with his "dirty bomb".
Roberto "She said she was 18" Berloni
Have you ever met this guy? Us neither. Unless you still have a fake ID, you won't have to worry much about him. Guard your little sister.