Oppy Knocks
Tiffany Coe
Issue date: 3/27/07 Section: Editorial
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I would like to take this opportunity to discuss with you a matter of great import that has just come to my attention. I know you typically look to this space for random musings, but you will have to bear with me as I relay some breaking news this time. So, I'm not even quite sure how to tell you this, but apparently SCorp's lame duck Board has passed last-minute legislation the effects of which are far-reaching. I recommend that you keep reading. As I understand it, outgoing VP of Fulltime Students, Craig Rudner, broke out the trusty SCorp phone tree on Saturday night and demanded that a middle-of-the-night gathering be convened off-site. At said meeting, a quorum of members began to discuss the impending graduation and upcoming handoff of power to next year's officers.
Suddenly, VP of Technology, Brian Levitan, had a flashback to 12th grade U.S. History and remembered the "midnight judges incident" perpetrated by President John Adams. (For those who don't remember, Adams slipped in some controversial judicial appointments five minutes before leaving office...scandalous.) And from that point on, the clandestine affair took on a new tone. In addition to some basic forward-looking mandates, the lame ducks committed to leaving a profound legacy by revolutionizing the Stern experience. While waiting for insight to strike, they drafted the more pedestrian bits of the last-minute bill:
-Henceforth, the following clause will be appended to incoming VP of Technology, George Pushchinsky's, job description: "For every day that a printer in the 6th Floor Leader Suite is out-of-order, the VP-T will be required to contribute $20 to Bill Silber's Pizza Party Fun as well as manage ad-hoc outsourcing to Kinko's, as necessary."
-Henceforth, the following items will be added to the FY '07 SCorp budget:
-dart board and pool table for UC-70
-in-house masseuse on Wednesdays
-placing Danny Meyer on payroll as the new Executive Chef at Café Sosnoff
Suddenly, VP of Technology, Brian Levitan, had a flashback to 12th grade U.S. History and remembered the "midnight judges incident" perpetrated by President John Adams. (For those who don't remember, Adams slipped in some controversial judicial appointments five minutes before leaving office...scandalous.) And from that point on, the clandestine affair took on a new tone. In addition to some basic forward-looking mandates, the lame ducks committed to leaving a profound legacy by revolutionizing the Stern experience. While waiting for insight to strike, they drafted the more pedestrian bits of the last-minute bill:
-Henceforth, the following clause will be appended to incoming VP of Technology, George Pushchinsky's, job description: "For every day that a printer in the 6th Floor Leader Suite is out-of-order, the VP-T will be required to contribute $20 to Bill Silber's Pizza Party Fun as well as manage ad-hoc outsourcing to Kinko's, as necessary."
-Henceforth, the following items will be added to the FY '07 SCorp budget:
-dart board and pool table for UC-70
-in-house masseuse on Wednesdays
-placing Danny Meyer on payroll as the new Executive Chef at Café Sosnoff
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