The Official Humor Section 2008 New Year's Resolutions
Jocelyn Splitter
Issue date: 12/11/07 Section: Humor
I cannot believe how quickly this semester has gone by! Would you believe it is the last Oppy of the year already? Of course this calls for a listing of New Year's Resolutions…
I'm just gonna start with some obvious ones:
Resolution #1: Stop drinking too much and telling people how good looking they are. If they're good looking, they probably already have a sense of it and don't need to be told by the slurring girl with the bangs in her eyes. For instance, "You're the hottest guy at Stern…" probably not the best thing to say. Maybe start slow, like "Young man, I do believe your eyes would place 10th in a contest at our fair institution."
Resolution #2: Oh whatever! Stop being so hard on yourself! So you're an embarrassing goofball sometimes. Would you rather be a boring goofball spending all her time watching Law & Order Criminal Intent?
Resolution #3: Watch more Law & Order Criminal Intent. With all new episodes on USA, it's fair to say that winter break will be spent with me, myself, and Detective Goren. Oh Detective Goren, you're the perfect man: emotionally unavailable, incredibly intelligent, and slightly disdainful of authority. Throw in a penchant for The Smiths and you're my future husband.
Resolution #4: Enjoy this city while you can, for tomorrow you may move to Connecticut. I've lived here for six years, but I'll be leaving soon. I love New York. Also, I hate it. A couple of weeks ago in Dublin I was walking on the street when a woman had a diabetic attack; within seconds, she was surrounded by 30 people, offering her candy and orange juice and holding her steady (perhaps giving her a Guinness, not sure). Now, in New York, I'm pretty sure we would all walk by as long as maybe one person had the situation under control (yeah, I walked by in Dublin - what? 30 people had the situation under control). We would think to ourselves, "Tsk, tsk, that chick shoulda taken her insulin." That having been said, does anything compare? Can you see yourself anywhere else? Well, I'm most likely heading off to the CT soon so I'm going to enjoy it while I can. And the best thing to enjoy about this city is…
I'm just gonna start with some obvious ones:
Resolution #1: Stop drinking too much and telling people how good looking they are. If they're good looking, they probably already have a sense of it and don't need to be told by the slurring girl with the bangs in her eyes. For instance, "You're the hottest guy at Stern…" probably not the best thing to say. Maybe start slow, like "Young man, I do believe your eyes would place 10th in a contest at our fair institution."
Resolution #2: Oh whatever! Stop being so hard on yourself! So you're an embarrassing goofball sometimes. Would you rather be a boring goofball spending all her time watching Law & Order Criminal Intent?
Resolution #3: Watch more Law & Order Criminal Intent. With all new episodes on USA, it's fair to say that winter break will be spent with me, myself, and Detective Goren. Oh Detective Goren, you're the perfect man: emotionally unavailable, incredibly intelligent, and slightly disdainful of authority. Throw in a penchant for The Smiths and you're my future husband.
Resolution #4: Enjoy this city while you can, for tomorrow you may move to Connecticut. I've lived here for six years, but I'll be leaving soon. I love New York. Also, I hate it. A couple of weeks ago in Dublin I was walking on the street when a woman had a diabetic attack; within seconds, she was surrounded by 30 people, offering her candy and orange juice and holding her steady (perhaps giving her a Guinness, not sure). Now, in New York, I'm pretty sure we would all walk by as long as maybe one person had the situation under control (yeah, I walked by in Dublin - what? 30 people had the situation under control). We would think to ourselves, "Tsk, tsk, that chick shoulda taken her insulin." That having been said, does anything compare? Can you see yourself anywhere else? Well, I'm most likely heading off to the CT soon so I'm going to enjoy it while I can. And the best thing to enjoy about this city is…
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brebdonera
posted 3/22/10 @ 2:37 PM EST
Yes i agree with you , and nice news thanks. This realy nice news , i watch for them .
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