The Langone Word
My Life on the A-list: A Satire
Suma Narasimharajan
Issue date: 11/3/09 Section: Voices
Recruiting season is filled with countless Sternies aiming for internships at premier investment banks. Of course those dreamy stories about rainmaking, travel, and unlimited opportunity are beautiful, but during my time working in investment banking, I have seen the bad and the ugly too. A satirical look at the other side…
The last few months had been brutal - a major gaming client was the target of a huge leveraged buyout that would shake the market to its core (at least that was what they kept telling me). Conference call reminders popped up on my screen every 15 minutes, the phone kept ringing, but all I could do was look at the my growing to-do list in distress. I was drowning in work, I hadn't slept in three days, the deal was closing in two, and I was running on adrenaline. Who was I kidding, I was running on processed sugar from the vending machine and espresso that I ordered 4 nights in a row from Seamless Web. I was looking at another all-nighter. But I breathed a sigh of relief as the MD (short for Managing Director a.k.a. El Jefe) leading the deal team said to me, "Seema, we are bringing on another junior resource, another associate, to help us out." I had been working here for three years, and they can't even get my name right- I didn't know whether to laugh or be offended. Thrilled to have more help, I walked over to the associate's cubicle to find him on the phone talking to his fashionista girlfriend making dinner plans for later that night. I interrupted and said, "Hate to break it to you, but it looks like we are going to be here all night." He said he understood, but that he had to attend the opening of a hot new Meatpacking club that same night. He assured me that he'd be back in the office after the event to finish the corporate model and other deliverables. As one of the few sympathetic bankers in my group, I agreed to his late return.
It was now 10pm, and I went to the bathroom to wash my face because the Red Bull was starting to wear off. I walk in and find a first-year analyst on the floor bawling. She didn't want to make eye contact with me, but I tried to console her. Through sobs and tears, she muttered, "I dropped my Blackberry in the toilet and now have to wait a whole day to get a new one." A whole day without a Blackberry? That thought sounded divine, so I proceeded right away to "accidentally" drop my device in the toilet. 2am rolls around and there is no sign of my teammate. He was clearly not coming back to the office from a night of high-class partying, so I sent him an email saying that I would finish the rest of the work because the deadline was fast-approaching. I stayed to finish the various models, credit analyses and capital markets write-ups were left to be done. When I finally left the office I was greeted by the arrival of the morning cleaning staff.
The last few months had been brutal - a major gaming client was the target of a huge leveraged buyout that would shake the market to its core (at least that was what they kept telling me). Conference call reminders popped up on my screen every 15 minutes, the phone kept ringing, but all I could do was look at the my growing to-do list in distress. I was drowning in work, I hadn't slept in three days, the deal was closing in two, and I was running on adrenaline. Who was I kidding, I was running on processed sugar from the vending machine and espresso that I ordered 4 nights in a row from Seamless Web. I was looking at another all-nighter. But I breathed a sigh of relief as the MD (short for Managing Director a.k.a. El Jefe) leading the deal team said to me, "Seema, we are bringing on another junior resource, another associate, to help us out." I had been working here for three years, and they can't even get my name right- I didn't know whether to laugh or be offended. Thrilled to have more help, I walked over to the associate's cubicle to find him on the phone talking to his fashionista girlfriend making dinner plans for later that night. I interrupted and said, "Hate to break it to you, but it looks like we are going to be here all night." He said he understood, but that he had to attend the opening of a hot new Meatpacking club that same night. He assured me that he'd be back in the office after the event to finish the corporate model and other deliverables. As one of the few sympathetic bankers in my group, I agreed to his late return.
It was now 10pm, and I went to the bathroom to wash my face because the Red Bull was starting to wear off. I walk in and find a first-year analyst on the floor bawling. She didn't want to make eye contact with me, but I tried to console her. Through sobs and tears, she muttered, "I dropped my Blackberry in the toilet and now have to wait a whole day to get a new one." A whole day without a Blackberry? That thought sounded divine, so I proceeded right away to "accidentally" drop my device in the toilet. 2am rolls around and there is no sign of my teammate. He was clearly not coming back to the office from a night of high-class partying, so I sent him an email saying that I would finish the rest of the work because the deadline was fast-approaching. I stayed to finish the various models, credit analyses and capital markets write-ups were left to be done. When I finally left the office I was greeted by the arrival of the morning cleaning staff.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
aleeka
posted 11/06/09 @ 1:37 PM EST
nice, boo :)
PMukherjee
posted 11/14/09 @ 11:43 AM EST
I know what you mean...been there myself several nights, until I decided my time in this world wasn't worth toiling away in a cubicle all night, and be terrorized everytime that blackberry buzzes. (Continued…)
Academic resume writer
posted 12/30/09 @ 8:36 AM EST
I agree that investment banking has too sides.
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